All change…..

20130629-075054.jpg“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.”
― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

And so it was this summer…. After ten years as the editor of Company Magazine, I returned from a short early visit to France, leaving behind my husband and sons for their third feral summer without me, to be given the news that the print version of the magazine was to be closed down. And in a strange way I wasn’t that surprised, not shocked, certainly not angry, but sad that something which has been part of my life for as long as my eldest son (I became editor shortly after giving birth to him!) was suddenly not to be. My team, some of whom I have worked with every day for 5-10 years, would be working on other mags, living their lives somewhere where I wouldn’t hear as they gossip about husbands, boyfriends, flatmates in my earshot every day. The walk from Charing Cross to my office in Soho that I have trudged through sunshine and sometimes snow for 10 years might now be a different commute. It might be no commute at all. And all those years of worrying about circulation figures or advertising revenues were for the time being a thing of the past.


But the news, which for the first few weeks I had to keep secret, meant that my summer being single had taken a very different turn. My usual three weeks of partying, seeing friends I don’t normally have time to see or just going a little big wild for a few weeks were off the agenda. I couldn’t really see anyone for fear of getting drunk and blurting out my secret. And, my emotional state was just too fragile to face most people anyway – especially not in a chi chi Soho bar/restaurant. So instead I stayed home and watched an entire season of 24 on Apple TV. I drank too much wine and to counterbalance this I went running a lot. Run, drink. Drink, run. And luckily I was allowed to bring one friend into my circle of knowledge, one of my besties who also edits a magazine within the same company so was deemed a safe confidente. And so every few nights I would go and stay with Lorraine and her four offspring – with my goddaughter Mabel donating her new bed to me complete with pink princess bedding. And then Lorraine and I drank wine together – which somehow doesn’t seem so bad as drinking wine alone. And Gracie, her second eldest said “do you two do anything except drink wine?” and so indignantly, we started going to ‘Pyscle’ (spinning in the dark!) together on a Tuesday morning before work to add to my extreme binge/purge summer. Or we baked with the kids and watched Johnny English. And we talked and talked about change and life and jobs and kids. So by the time I did announce the sad news to my team almost three weeks later – I had ‘worked through it’ as they say in the US. And I hope, in doing so, I was able to help them face this enormous change with a sense of strength and calm (and a weight loss of about half a stone!)

And then finally, I got to go back to my boys and my French home – where everything is always alright and Arthur asked if this meant I would have to give my iPad back and wether he would still get to go to X Factor. And Sebastian wondered what would happen to Tanita my Creative Director’s giant pencil that sits on her desk. And I realised that none of it really matters anyway except having amazing friends and family around you and a sense of self outside of what you do for a living. Most of all, I realised that what this actually marks is a new chapter. A new adventure and that can only be a good thing right?

“Just when the caterpillar thought their world had ended. They became a butterfly…” Anon



26 thoughts on “All change…..

  1. I met you last year at the Company Blogging Forum and you were lovely to meet!
    I’m so sorry to hear you went through such a difficult time with the print closure of Company, but the world of journalism is changing and just taking a new form and you’re part of it – you could be onto a bigger venture in the industry and (as said by Oprah) as all humans in the journey of life when you’ve been somewhere where you no longer grow or learn it’s time to move on and see more of what the world has to offer you. So, stay strong and just remember this transitioning phase is just part of the journey to lead you onto better things. You’ve conquered editor-in-chief now you’re on your way to conquer something new 😊

  2. ah, family always let you know what really matters. Good luck with what follows for you, your family and your team. Company was one of my mags of choice in my younger days, but I am more of a Gardeners World reader now! I moan about my back and make grunty noises as I get up from a chair. Things change for us all! xx (and I hope you get the giant pencil for Seb!)

  3. Wowsers. Massive change indeed (and I’m a bit gutted to see the demise of Company, was always my mag of choice in younger days.)

    But yes, you’re right; friends, family and a sense of self is all that really matters. My beloved wise mum always said ‘everything happens for a reason’ and, whilst it’s an annoying platitude, my wise old mum was always bloody right.

    So, onwards and upwards for you – may the ride be as smooth for as possible, you seem like one of life’s good guys and so deserve a smooth transition.

    And hey, look on the bright side, you must be super fit after all that running….


  4. Awe! I know things are unclear right now but it’s all going to come together for you and while change is hard, sometimes it’s for the better 🙂 I’m going through the same type of thing as well only by my own choice. After 20 years of being in the medical field I have decided it’s time for me to re educate. It’s scary but I know I can do it. I wish you wisdom in the choices you make from here, I’m sure you will do well! 🙂
    Richest Blessings!

  5. Big Things ( and Big Thinks!) happen
    Life is a series of forks in the road and we can always choose which one to take
    I hope this will be the start of new opportunities and new adventures for you and your family
    Best wishes

  6. Nice one Vic. Can’t wait to drink more wine with you…. See you soon when I expect more new news!! Bigger and better stuff for sure 🙂 as I see lots of wise words from other readers’ mums; mine always says ‘You never know WHAT’S around the corner. ”
    Could be a lovely surprise x

  7. Ooh – good luck! I always think change is good – even when it’s forced change. Sometimes “feeling the fear” is a good thing. There IS life beyond. Trust me. Scary – but GOOD! In a few years you’ll look back at what an amazing change this was xx

  8. So sad to hear you had to go through this. You and Company have been such an amazing support for me and my brand. Thank you, i will forever be grateful that you picked my jewellery for your pages. Hope to see you over London Fashion Week. Im in the South Wing, please please come by xxxx *cheers to your next adventure*

  9. Finally catching up with your blog and I’m really saddened about Company magazine. I regularly pick it up along with my home magazines, although I’m probably getting a little too old for it now! I wish you the very best of luck for your next endeavour. I’m sure there will be many exciting ventures around the corner. Keep enjoying the wine, and I look forward to reading about your new adventures at work and home x

    • Thank you – so far it’s all been ok. Working on various projects within Hearst mags which I’m enjoying. Though I really should spend more time on my blog! You’d think I’d have more time now. Xx

  10. Pingback: Dogs, kids, lakes and our favourite new restaurant! | we bought a french house

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